ARTICLES

Olympics

Testing times for Olympic athletes


Are athletes honourable competitors, or a bunch of blitzed-out space monkeys? Sam Bowring makes up his own mind.

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Baby photo

Congratulations, it's a photo op!


With baby photos fetching millions of dollars, Terri Psiakis suggests that it might be worth popping out one for mum, one for dad, and one for the mortgage.

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Petrol

Fuelled by a tankful attitude


Petrol prices are sky-high but surely that's not a good thing, right? Dave Jory adds fuel to a very expensive fire.

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Weapons of mass deception

Weapons of mass deception


Iran’s ballistic missile push-up bra is a touch over the top and completely unnecessary to boot, says Kent Valentine.

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Serial killer

Overtired and under arrest


Are serial killers crazy or lazy? Dave Jory takes a stab at the conundrum.

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Bat expectations

Bat expectations


The new Batman film, 'The Dark Knight' is almost here and Kent Valentine is so excited that he's also a little sad.

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Pregnant man

Man gives birth to scepticism


After a pregnant 'man' gives birth, Sam Bowring wonders if 'Where Did I Come From?' will have to publish a special edition.

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Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman's moulin flute


Listening to music while giving birth is fine, but Terri Psiakis can't understand what Our Nic hears in Those Flutes.

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Bundy Bear

Bundy bears the wrath of Roxon


As the government's war on binge drinking continues, Sam Bowring reports from the trenches.

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Passport

Passport stamps of disapproval


There’s no one like a customs officer to tell you what they really think of you, discovers Kent Valentine.

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Binge drinking

Drinking four better or four worse


If four drinks is a binge, binge on! Sam Bowring spews his disdain.

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Aliens

Aliens target the alienated


A suspicious Dave Jory wonders why it's always the complete nerds who get abducted by aliens.

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Jailbirds

Hit songs from the slammer


More bands should be locked up to get the jailhouse rocking, says Andrew Furze.

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Hillary Clinton

A very sorry state of affairs


Public figures are apologising left, right and centre. Sam Bowring says, stick it.

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Three brown mice

Mousing an offer you can't refuse


Terri Psiakis discovers tiny poopies and immediately puts out a hit on a tiny bottom.

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Emo

Diary of an emo newbie


Andrew Furze plunges into the deep end and goes emo for a month.

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Lost divers

Lost divers swimming in offers


Two men were rescued and promptly drowned in a sea of cash, writes Sam Bowring.

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Dog-boy

Dog-boy slaves for everyone


Britain, or the Island of Dr Moreau? Sam Bowring asks the difficult questions.

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aliens and the vatican

Let There Be Aliens


The Vatican has said alien life would not contradict belief in God. Sam Bowring opinionates.

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space death

Better Chances of Space Death :)


Ignorance can be bliss, especially when it involves not knowing about death meteors from space. Sam Bowring cringes beneath the heavens.

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robot sperm

Semen-antics


Artificial sperm gets a rise out of Sam Bowring.

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torch relay madness

You Can't Relay on the West


Amidst torch relay chaos, Sam Bowring points fingers at pointing fingers.

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the joy of text

The Joy of Text


A friend in need prompts Terri Psiakis to contemplate the intricacies of text between consenting adults.

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hypnotist thief

Look Into My Eyes and Gimme Da Cash


Sam Bowring gets enthused about a Jedi shoplifter.

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coffee, tea, me?

Terri's Restaurant Rules


Eating out more than once a week gives Terri Psiakis the idea that she knows what she's talking about when it comes to restaurants.

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THE HEATWAVE

If You Can't Stand the Heat, Too Bad


Sam Bowring sweats it out onto his keyboard.

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high speed internet

Getting Australia Wired


Sam Bowring forms a scatty opinion of the Labor government's new internet overhaul.

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guns in space

The Space Gun Race


Of all places, they want to ban weapons in space. "Who knew that’s where they were?" writes Nick Maxwell.

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crying high

Crying High


A new survey shows that people don't want to sit next to babies on planes. In other news, the sky is blue. Sam Bowring babbles on.

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J-Ho... I mean J-Lo

Having Sex Pays Off for J-Lo


Should celebs be allowed to sell the souls of humans too young to object? Sam Bowring suggests ‘"possibly not".

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boys holding hands

Boyz 2 Men


The AFL is putting out a DVD to teach young players about how to respect women and Kent Valentine wonders how it got to this.

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elephants

Bondage Elephantasies


Sam Bowring takes a close look at animals doing "it", of all things.

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hot gig

Rules To Gig By


Terri Psiakis mops her brow, pinches her nose and dives headlong into the art of gigging without offending.

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avril

I’m Famous, Buy This


Sam Bowring takes a sniff at celebrities who stink up the place.

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pot vending

Prescription: Good Times


A new vending machine in the US is offering patients easy green for their greenbacks. Sam Bowring takes a whiff.

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casino sheep

Economic Armageddon and You


Sam Bowring takes a look at the market crash and other things he doesn't understand.

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moon tans

Moon Tans Trendy Again


An anti-tanning campaign launching throughout Australia has pleased Sam Bowring for his own insecure reasons.

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fatty

Difficult to Swallow


Michael Chamberlin discovers we're the fifth fattest nation in the world and is appalled. We should be fatter!

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howard's helper

Howard's Helper


With John Howard on the hunt for an assistant, Nick Maxwell ponders what duties would befall the successful applicant.

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robots

Robots Anyone?


If robots are perennially proposed as finally available for personal human assistance, Nick Maxwell wonders how come they always turn out so crap?

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mystery flights

A Plane Fare for Plain Fare


Mystery flights are making a comeback, which is the biggest mystery of all. Sam Bowring says so.

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john winston howard

Howard Showers


As John Howard is forced to concede his long-time seat of Bennelong, Nick Maxwell contemplates his path now.

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golden compass

The Golden Ruckus


If you can't stand the heat, stop burning books. Sam Bowring has a go

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hummer

Humming Along to the Tune of Capitalism


Hummers are proving popular in Australia, causing Sam Bowring to utterly lose faith in his fellow citizens.

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whales!

A Whale of a Bad Time


Sam Bowring takes a look at the whacky antics of those crazy Japanese whalers.

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court

How to Behave in Court


Nick Maxwell's never had to defend himself in front of a magistrate but gives the manner in which to do so a day in court.

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idiots

Champions of Nothing


Sam Bowring takes a look at dickheads doing dumb-ass things to get their names in a stupid book.

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magnum

When Television Had Magnum


What happened to the days when the smooth talking private investigators were solving the crimes, writes Nick Maxwell.

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graphtastic

It's a Matter of Scale


There’s never been a better time to be in debt. It's cool. It's hip. 'In the red' is the new black. But, as Charlie Pickering finds out, the graphs aren't always what they seem.

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heroes

When We Were Young


Nick Maxwell returns to the days when we wanted to be our heroes.

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destroying a horse

Dark Side of the Cup


Sam Bowring delves into the dark side of the Melbourne Cup.

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Ben Cousins

They Ain't Making Heroes Like They Used To


From taxi drivers to housewives, everyone has an opinion about Ben Cousins. Charlie Pickering certainly does, and he has a forum to share it in. Read on.

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nasty coke habit

Nasty Coke Habit


Sam Bowring wonders why they don't just aim for prohibition.

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gay priest

Undercover Gay Priest


Psychoanalyst or gay priest? Who cares, writes Sam Bowring.

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barber

All Hail the Barber!


Michael Chamberlin heaps praise on the man with the coloured pole out the front.

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the whore detective

Private Dicks Withdraw


No longer will we be able to sleep with hookers at taxpayer's cost. Sam Bowring laments.

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nick's pants

The Pants Man


Nick Maxwell asks if it's just him, or everyone, who finds it almost impossible to buy pants.

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death penalty

A Light-hearted Look at State Sanctioned Homicide


When it comes to punishing the worst of the worst, is the death penalty the answer? Perhaps a fate worse than death, suggests Charlie Pickering.

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motivation

Motivate Me!


Michael Chamberlin wants to know why you need words when actions will do just fine.

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pamela anderson

I Do... For A While


Sam Bowring wonders if celebrities missed the newsflash that they don't have to marry everyone they date.

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swastika building

WARNING: Geometric Coincidences May Offend!


What do you get when the US Navy accidentally places four buildings together that kind of resemble a nazi symbol when viewed from space? Charlie Pickering discusses a storm of controversy in a teacup of pointlessness.

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surgical strikes

Bloodshed: Are You Interested?


Sam Bowring attacks the language of war.

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The carpark

The Carpark


Nick Maxwell overcomes his fear of parking garages and turns into Hollywood gold.

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come to the dark side

A Nazi Piece of Work


Sticks and stones may break some bones, but if you're going to call someone a Nazi. You better be ready to back it up. Charlie Pickering explains.

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blurry face

The Blurry Face of Evil - Maybe


Sam Bowring wonders why anyone bothers to show pictures of things that can't be seen.

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old howard

Electioneering with the Election Nearing


After a leadership tussle and many doubts, John Howard has committed to a long, glorious, dedicated, energetic future of almost certainly less than but definitely not more than two years. Charlie Pickering considers John Howard's leadership in the distant world of tomorrow.

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freedom

Freebasing Freedom Furniture


How could shopping for furniture feel so good? Claire Hooper discovers that Freedom has distilled sofa shopping to a fine crack rock which'll set you back around $3500.

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one hand clapping

The Sound of One Hand Clapping


Putting an idea out there can be hard enough, but tougher still; Nick Maxwell discusses the abject pain when people leave you hanging.

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e-waste

Turning the Volume ( of Waste ) Up


Gone are the days of burying your TV under that ol' apple tree, Sam Bowring laments.

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Howard Afraid

It`s - Not The - Time


The election is only weeks away and the Libs nearly lost their minds. For the good of the nation, Michael Chamberlin discusses why John Howard must stay our leader.

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Wil Anderson

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