Bubble bursting between friends

RoveDaily’s queen of quandaries Terri Psiakis pulls the plug on bath etiquette.

Dear Terri,

I’ve just moved into a house with a magnificent claw-foot bath, which many people commented on at my recent house-warming party. Yesterday my best mate rang to ask if his girlfriend could come over to my place and have a bath – apparently she has a shower at her house but no bath and was quite taken with mine. I only just met the girlfriend at the house-warming party but because she’s with my best mate I didn’t know how to say no. How should I have handled this?

Mildly Disturbed, Abbotsford VIC

Dear Mildly Disturbed,

What a world of wrong this is. Let’s just establish: when someone asks if they can come over and have a bath at your place, basically what they’re asking is “Can I get nude at your place?”. Unless they’re planning on putting out as well, it’s a highly inappropriate request.

By allowing this you’ve unwittingly set a precedent: you’ve said yes once so it’s assumed you’ll say yes again. Trouble is, you don’t know when you’re going to get that next call: it could come at any time, day or night. Add to this the fact that you probably cleaned your bathroom for your mate’s girlfriend to use, and you’re set for a lifetime of bathroom paranoia: you’re now keeping it spotless on the off chance that your mate’s girlfriend might rock up. That’s the sort of pressure that makes people develop obsessive compulsions to clean. I should know. I’ve got one. Doesn’t sound that bad until you start having dreams about the cleaning products aisle of your supermarket. Don’t ask me how I know.

The main reason you should have said no is because this sort of situation always starts out simple and ends up a nightmare. It’s all very well for someone to say “I don’t have a bath, can I use yours?” but if you say yes to that, where does it end – “I don’t have a double flush and I’ve just eaten a heavy curry”? Lordy.

This behaviour has got to stop. Baths aren’t conducive to water restrictions, anyway. Start charging exorbitant rates to use your bath and price yourself out of their market. Oh, and this ‘quite taken with’ thing disturbs me, too. Try telling your best mate that you don’t have a girlfriend at home but you’re ‘quite taken with’ his. Enjoy.

Is there an area of your life that needs a ‘Eureka!’ moment? Send your questions to Terri at dearterri@rove.com.au