Crumbling relations with neighbours

RoveDaily’s etiquette expert, Terri Psiakis, dispenses some advice on a dilemma with bite.

Dear Terri,

My next door neighbour was ill for a while so I baked some cookies, put them into one of my fancy storage tins and took the lot over to her to cheer her up. My problem is that this was well over a month ago and while I’ve seen my neighbour over the fence a number of times since then, she has yet to return my tin.

It’s one of my favourites and I really want it back. Should I go over and ask her to return it or is that rude?

Nervous, Kensington VIC

Dear Nervous,

You won’t believe this but a similar thing happened to me recently: a neighbour gave me one of her children for the afternoon and fretted considerably when I failed to return him. She used the ‘one of my favourites’ line on me, too, but as I said to her, that’s why picking favourites is wrong. Anyway, to cut a long story short she got her stinking kid back but according to the judge I can no longer come within close range of either of them, and my babysitting days are over. Whatever.

Your gesture towards your neighbour was delightful and the sort of thing that doesn’t happen enough these days. Too often we spend too much time either ignoring our neighbours completely or spying on them with night-vision goggles to actually get to know them personally, so I heartily commend you.

However, I suspect your gift may have been too perfect. Your delicious cookies in your pretty tin may have been so flawless that your neighbour thought they were both from a shop instead of from your home, thus interpreting both the cookies and the tin as your gift to her. In future, I’d suggest you refrain from showing off. Leave the cookies in the oven a tad too long and then pack them in an old bit of Tupperware. Or if you’re that intent on being Martha Stewart, at least mark your name or initials clearly on the tin so it’s obvious it belongs to you.

In the meantime, kidnap one of your neighbour’s kids and write a ransom note saying you’ll return them upon receipt of your storage tin. Then, when the whole thing’s sorted, bake more cookies to apologise. Enjoy.

Don’t stew over your etiquette dilemmas: send your fresh-baked questions to dearterri@rove.com.au