How to pop the popping question

RoveDaily's mistress of manners, Terri Psiakis, tackles a query of the fragrant kind.

Dear Terri,

My girlfriend and I have been together for six very happy months. Although she hasn't actually moved in, we spend most of our time at my house. My question is this: is it ok for me to pass wind while we're together? I wouldn't do this at her house but I figure it's ok if I'm in my own home. Right?

Breezy, Bundaberg QLD

Dear Breezy,

I'm assuming that since you're asking this question, you're yet to fart in front of your girlfriend. In which case, I can't believe you've waited six months. You must really be bloated.

Passing wind in the presence of a partner isn't a simple issue. It's not just a matter of whether or not it's ok to fart: it's also a matter of setting boundaries. For example, The Bloke is a prolific farter and while I understand his need to step on the occasional duck, I'm not up for a flatulent free-for-all. He's forbidden to fart while I eat and knows that if he ever gives me a Dutch oven, it's over between us. These rules were made when we first got together and aside from the occasional indiscretion while dining in front of a particularly exciting fourth quarter, they're generally well observed.

You seem to define your freedom to fart according to whose turf you're on but I'd argue that's irrelevant. Just because you're at your place doesn't automatically mean your girlfriend should tolerate you dropping your guts, because one day the two of you might have an 'our place' and who'll call the shots then?

Ask your girlfriend's opinion on the timing of your trouser-coughs, as she may have certain courtesies she'd like you to observe. On the other hand, maybe she's also into cutting the cheese, in which case you're set for a lifetime of merry anal audio delights together. And imminent danger whenever someone lights a match. Enjoy.

Pop your modern-day dilemmas in an email to DearTerri@rove.com.au