No need to put out the unwelcome mat

Dear Terri,

While travelling overseas last year my fiancé and I spent a week with an American couple in Wales. Nothing suss – we just struck up a friendly conversation in a café one morning and spent the next week travelling together because it was cheaper (car hire, etc.) They were nice people but not 'friends forever' material. We exchanged email addresses at the end of our trip and wrote to each other a few times over the next year. Last week they emailed to say they're visiting Australia in September, and asked if they can stay with us? My problem is 1) we don't really like them enough to want them living at our place and 2) we're getting married in September. How do we avoid having them stay with us, or even worse, coming to our wedding?

Flummoxed, Footscray VIC

Dear Flummoxed,

Firstly, this will teach you not to hang out with people you don't really like just because you're a tightarse.

Secondly, you're assuming these Americans would want to come to your wedding. They're coming to Australia because they want to see Australia, not because they want to see you drink your weight in champagne, slag off a few relatives and then pass out face-down in your own wedding cake (I'm assuming you're planning on being as classy as me on your wedding day).

In any case, you're missing a golden opportunity here. Getting married means going on a honeymoon. Going on a honeymoon often means being robbed while you're away. Why not arrange for them to stay at your house and mind it while you're honeymooning? That way, not only will you avoid having to spend time with them - your house and pets will be well looked after while you're gone. You do them a favour, they do you a favour and for one brief moment, all is right in the world. Unless of course they do a Corey Worthington on your place and trash the joint.

If you really want to avoid them while they're in the country, just apologise and say you'll be flat out with wedding stuff and your family will be staying with you. But perhaps sweeten the rejection by recommending some good accommodation options for them to try instead. Either that, or just tell them you live in Footscray. Enjoy.