Picking the rite time

RoveDaily’s etiquette expert Terri Psiakis metes out the mores of mourning and meeting people at funerals.

Dear Terri,

My brother has been single for over a year and I think he's starting to get desperate. He just informed me that he tried to pick someone up at the funeral he attended last week, and failed to take my word for it that that's not cool. He said, “It doesn't matter where you meet people, as long as you meet people.” Which one of us is right?

Casey, Wavell Heights QLD

Dear Casey,

Before we get too far into this, I'm assuming your brother's not a necrophiliac. Because if he is, he's well within his rights. As well as a total nutbar.

Assuming your brother's into 'breathers', I have to say you're both right. You're right in the sense that it's not cool to go to funerals for the express purpose of picking up. Sure, there are some people who'd consider it a waste of a good suit, but hitting on the bereaved is a bit sick. Everyone's vulnerable in grief but the minute you hold a hug of consolation for too long or place a hand on a knee instead of a shoulder, the jig is up. And cracking on to a widow is never, ever ok. She's wearing black lace because she's sad, not sexed-up.

On the other hand, your brother's also right because sometimes you can't help where you meet people. For example, I'm pretty sure that father-daughter couple in Adelaide met at home. The love of your brother's life may well have been at that funeral and if that's the case, that's the case. Fate works in weird-arse ways.

However, I wouldn't advise that he actively 'try' to pick up at funerals. A quiet, “Phwoar!” discreetly uttered into a hanky at the service or into a sherry at the wake is acceptable upon spying a hottie, but any phone number-chasing or indecent proposals should be made well after the event. Generally speaking, mourners don't like to hear eulogies interrupted by the phrase, “So how about it?”

So provided your brother has tact, he's ok. And provided he's not a necrophiliac, your future sister-in-law should at the very least be warm. Enjoy.

Send your puzzling etiquette questions to dearterri@rove.com.au