Reading too much into the bottom line

RoveDaily's etiquette expert, Terri Psiakis, lifts the lid on the workplace toilet.

Dear Terri,

While at a dinner party recently, I casually mentioned a newspaper article I'd read and my tale divided the room. Mainly because I also mentioned that I'd been reading the paper while on the loo at work. Some people condemned me for taking such liberties in the workplace while other people applauded my 'time-wasting'. Can you please tell me once and for all: is it ok to take time out for my bowels at work and is there anything wrong with reading the paper while I'm there?

Intrigued, Warrnambool, VIC

Dear Intrigued,

Honestly, questions like this make me feel happy to be alive. Here I am, thinking today was just going to be another day and then you give me pooing at work. With the paper. God bless you.

I'm not surprised your bombshell split the room – pooing on company time is a contentious issue. Personally, I'm all for it. You get to spend time alone, you get to sit down and when you get up again, you always feel better. And I'm all for stretching it out to waste time – why not? You're pretty much getting paid to poo. Nothing could ever be more brilliant. I used to work in customer service for a large retail store and the best day I ever had at that job was the time I got stuck in the goods lift. As soon as I realized I was stuck, I sat down. I took a good forty minutes before I even pressed the alarm button. The only way that time could have been better spent was if I'd pooed. And the only reason I didn't was because it's hard to explain being found with a poo in a lift.

But I digress.

You're cool to be on the job and on the job, so to speak. But skip the newspaper. It's too arrogant. Pooing at work says, “I work and I poo.” Taking the paper in to poo at work says, “I work, I poo and I don't care if this paper is meant to stay in the tearoom - I'm better than you.” Nobody likes a work-paper-pooer. Especially when you return the paper to the tearoom afterwards. It taints everything, right down to the last grain of Nescafe.

So poo away, my friend, but do away with the communal reading materials. If you really need to read to make the magic happen, try clearing your text message inbox instead. Enjoy.

Do you have a question for Terri? Send in your dilemmas big and small to DearTerri@rove.com.au