Running into celebrities

Terri Psiakis gets behind the wheel and drives extremely carefully. Honest.

Is it just me or is there something a bit extraordinary about almost killing a celebrity and their kids?

It’s happened twice. Does that make me a serial celebrity almost-killer? And, more importantly, is that something I can write under ‘occupation’ on my tax form?

Let me explain. A while ago I was driving through the streets of East Melbourne when I nearly ran over Warnie and his kids. Mind you, when I say ‘nearly ran over’ what I actually mean is ‘stopped a good distance away from in order to let them cross the road’. There’s a difference. The second description is the truth and doesn’t involve any danger to them or wrongdoing on my part (officer). The first description, while exaggerated, sounds far more exciting and usually makes for a better anecdote at parties.

When I told a friend of mine about ‘nearly running over’ Warnie and his kids in the hope that she might be shocked or at least mildly interested, she instead reacted with the question: “His daughter’s a redhead, isn’t she?” When I replied that indeed Brooke Warne does have beautiful auburn locks, my friend returned to reading her newspaper as though the news I’d sprung on her was nothing more than “I brushed my teeth today.” And you think I’m a bit off.

It happened again last week. In St Kilda to get my hair cut and cruising for a park, I ‘nearly ran over’ Rachel Griffiths and her kids. Again, no harm done, but armed with my news for the day I took a seat at the salon and began telling my hairdresser. If what happened next had been a scene from a play, it would have gone like this:

HAIRDRESSER: How’s your morning been?
ME: A bit exciting, really. I was driving around looking for a park when I nearly ran over -
[Rachel Griffiths enters]
ME: Speak of the devil.

Turns out Rachel is one of my hairdresser’s clients. There for her appointment, apparently. My hairdresser was suitably unimpressed with my story, and my efforts to explain how ‘nearly ran over’ was in fact ‘stopped a good distance away from’ didn’t quite cut it. And I understand his perspective completely: if I had run over Rachel, I would have cost him an appointment. But on the upside, he also could have taken lunch an hour early.

Not for one moment do I condone posing any kind of vehicular danger to celebrities and/or their kids. Seriously, you get a rep. The Bloke quite often greets my homecoming with the question: “So – who did you nearly run over today?”

Rating: Nearly running over celebrities receives one green light out of two.