Sharehouse of horrors

Flatmate problems? RoveDaily's princess of propriety, Terri Psiakis, sheds some light on shared living.

Dear Terri,

I need help with my new flatmates. They're my friends but they're so messy! Since they moved in, I've felt like I've spent all my time cleaning up after them. To make matters worse, they eat my chocolate when I'm not there. Should I say something? I don't want to make things awkward or compromise the friendship.

Worried, Tuggeranong ACT

Dear Worried,

I'm sorry, but there's every chance this situation could have been avoided if the selection criteria you'd used for your mates had been more thorough. For example, next time you're at a party I'd like you to avoid talking to the guest with the drip-stains on their tee shirt, and the hair that looks like it's been styled a la There's Something About Mary.

I do sympathise with you, however, because I've lived with some shockers. I once lived with a guy whose attitude to dishes was to wash them only when he'd exhausted our entire supply. Our house was covered in crockery which was in turn covered with food in various levels of decomposition. It got so bad that our other flatmate started taking photos of everything so that in the event one of us killed the filthy guy, we'd have documented evidence to defend ourselves in court.

When new flatmates arrive – regardless of whether or not they're your friends – it's basic manners to make them aware of the house rules. And the most basic one is: clean up after yourself. It's not too late to lay this on your friends and if they're really feral, draw up a roster. As for compromising the friendship: if you don't lay down the law, before too long there won't be a friendship. Because one day you'll pick up the 97th dirty sock, snap, and then kill them in their sleep. Trust me on this. Just don't ask me how I know.

As for them eating your chocolate when you're out: quietly replace your chocolate with laxative chocolate, leaving it in the normal chocolate wrapping. Just make sure you're not rostered on to clean the bathroom that week. Enjoy.

Need help navigating those muddy social etiquette waters? Send your questions to DearTerri@rove.com.au