The holder of great responsibility

RoveDaily's etiquette advisor Terri Psiakis rolls out the rules for the smallest room in the house.

Dear Terri,

I'm the youngest in a family of four and I've spent most of my 15 years replacing the toilet roll. Everyone else in my family just leaves the empty roll on the holder and I don't think that's right. What is the correct etiquette when it comes to finishing the roll? Am I within my rights to call a family meeting?

Fed Up, Newcastle NSW

Dear Fed Up,

I'm glad mine's not the only family that does family meetings. Do yours involve getting nude and beating drums as well?

I'm appalled that you've spent so much time changing the bog roll instead of following the lead of most people your age and spending your time slamming doors, counting pubes and being rude to your parents. I hope I can help you readdress the balance.

I'm on your side here, Fed Up. Why people fail to replace the roll is beyond me because it's a fairly simple task. If the roll were booby-trapped I'd understand, but unless the toilet belongs to the KGB this shouldn't be a concern. I'll bet you're even dealing with someone who leaves a single square of paper on the roll and then says, “Technically, I didn't finish it.” Which may be true, but technically, that person is a dickhead.

The basic rule here is: whoever finishes the roll should replace it. And further to that, they should do it so the paper rolls out the right way. I can't tell you how annoyed I get when The Bloke replaces the roll so the paper comes from underneath the roll instead of the top. In my view, top-rolling is the only way to go. So firm is my belief that I've been known to change the rolls at other people's homes if I notice they've been replaced incorrectly. Don't judge me.

Make the rules known during your family meeting and say that from now on, there'll be consequences for anyone who doesn't comply. If they don't clean up their act, replace the roll with one that has glitter sprinkled on it, and see how long your family members like being labelled Fairy Dust Farters. Enjoy.

Need to get something off your chest? Send your etiquette questions big and small to Terri at dearterri@rove.com.au