DAILY NEWS - Rove Daily

HOROSCOPES

Leo

You'll be horrified this week when you accidentally send your father out to be dry-cleaned. Things will get worse when he returns still covered in lint. >>

Libra

Surprise someone with flowers this week. Then return an hour later and surprise them again with a clown mask and a paintball gun. >>

Aries

A pet can be wonderful company. This week, buy a pet, but choose wisely. Never buy an animal that is big enough to actually eat you. >>

Aquarius

The key to success comes in many forms, but stealing people’s keys will not help you on this path. Stealing their cars, however… >>

Taurus

An act of courtesy will backfire terribly when a door you are holding open for an old lady, suddenly explodes. It's probably safer to be rude to people. >>

Capricorn

Life throws you curve balls every once in a while. Fortunately, life throws like a little girl, so the curve balls usually just bounce off the wall. Show no fear. >>

Cancer

Try to freshen your life up with a new look this week. Consider a new haircut, a full beauty treatment, or possibly a sex change. >>

Sagittarius

Let your friend choose the restaurant, then quietly complain about the choice once you're sitting down. The stars say you need to be extra passive aggressive this week. >>

Scorpio

You've done something that's too embarrassing to admit to. This week, try and put the blame on to someone who is less easily embarrassed. >>

Gemini

Your recent winning streak will end and an amazing losing streak will begin. It might even be so amazing that you will end up on Oprah. >>

Virgo

Have fun by participating in sport. Not by playing the sport, but by running on to the field dressed as Austin Powers. Everyone will love you for it. >>

Pisces

They say every dog has his day. Your dog's day will be this week. He will be elected Mayor. Later in the week he will appoint you Deputy Mayor. >>

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