Rove Daily - Horoscopes

HOROSCOPES

Aquarius

You will get lost while driving in the city this week. DO NOT stop to ask a prostitute for directions. This will lead to an awful misunderstanding. >>

Pisces

Calling a homeless man a dirty bum instead of ignoring him as usual is not the kind of change he is asking for. >>

Aries

Doing a runner from a restaurant can make you feel so alive. Better yet, run from the restaurant into a taxi. Then do a runner from the taxi. >>

Taurus

You might not have won a gold medal, but that's only because you have no sporting ability and didn't compete. So go easy on yourself. >>

Gemini

Life is not a spectator sport. So stop cheering as you walk down the street. Tennis is a spectator sport. Why don't you watch some tennis instead? >>

Cancer

While planning your wedding you will decide to walk down the aisle to the song Can't Find A Better Man. Your fiance will weep. >>

Leo

Don't let people push you around. A group of men dressed as pirates will attack you this week. Break out the pepper spray. >>

Virgo

As the old song says, Stand By Your Man. Unless you're dating a lady-boy, in which case you should Stand By Your Tran. >>

Libra

Remember, just because they've released every episode of Who's The Boss? on DVD doesn't mean you actually have to buy them. >>

Scorpio

Does your cat sleep for 18 hours a day because he's a cat, or because he's deeply depressed? Wake him up and ask him. >>

Sagittarius

You will be shocked by the irony this week when you see a dolphin choking on one of those green re-usable shopping bags. >>

Capricorn

It may be a little soon to start cancelling social plans on the grounds that you are 'counting down to the 2012 Olympics'. >>

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Two of Hollywood’s funniest superstars have teamed up again in the US box office smash-hit comedy Step Brothers.

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