Deck the Hall

Devon Quince never shies away from asking the tough questions. This week he goes 12 rounds with AFL ‘hard man’ Barry Hall, while the pair try on shoes at a local sports store.

I’m a polite fellow, we all know that. But when you’re facing off with big Barry Hall, to discuss his latest on-field ‘incident’, you really choose your words carefully. Come tip toe through the tulips with me.

Devon: Barry Hall thank you for meeting me.

Barry Hall: Thank you Devon.

DQ: I’m so excited. Now you’re known as one of the ‘hard men’ of the AFL. Frankly that sounds pretty sexy Barry, what does it mean to be a ‘hard man’?

BH: Well I guess I’m one of the bigger blokes and as we know I’ve been known to throw the occasional punch.

DQ: Oh I see. I wasn’t sure because football isn’t really my thing. When I first heard the term ‘hard man’ I thought maybe people were just getting confused because your shorts are so tight.

(There is a long, ugly pause)

DQ:You’re not gonna have one of your classic ‘brain snaps’ are you?

BH: It’s fine Devon. I’m very calm and I’m enjoying talking to you and putting the incident behind me.

DQ: Oh Barry, I think it’s wonderful that you can laugh about all this. Because Brent Staker, the guy who’s face you punched in- he seems like he’s not ready to laugh about this yet.

BH: Well yeah, look I’ve spoken to Brent and he understands what happened.

DQ: Well what did happen? You’ve described it as a ‘brain snap’. What is a ‘brain snap’ Barry Hall?

BH: Well I guess in the heat of the moment, when you’re a professional athlete and the pressure’s on, sometimes you’ll just suddenly do things without any...

DQ: Without any accountability.

BH: Uh? What’s that supposed to mean?

DQ: Well just that...we all saw the footage where you punch him, he goes down, then you throw your arms up in disbelief. You’re like ‘What? What’d I do?’

BH: Obviously it was regretful but at the end of the day I just wanna get back out there and play some good footy.

DQ: And you will Barry, no one doubts that. But first you’ve been suspended for seven weeks. Which reminds me, I wore suspenders for about seven weeks back in the late nineties. You’ve never seen so many ‘hard men’!

BH: I’m starting to really not like you.

DQ: Are you threatening me Barry?

BH: You bet your ass that’s a threat.

DQ: Because I have been threatened by some of the best in the business. Now Barry that’s about all the questions I have for you today. Will you come back and visit with me again?

BH: No chance in hell mate. If I come back to see you it’ll be to demolish your face. Understand?

DQ: It’s not complicated.

Devon now coaches an Under-19’s football team.