Devon Killed Dodi?

As Mohamed Al Fayed accuses everyone including the kitchen sink of plotting to kill his son and Diana, Devon Quince fears he might be on the list.

I’d always been keen to interview Mohamed Al Fayed. I saw an interview once he did with Ali G, and he was an absolutely charming little rich man. As the owner of Harrods in London, it was my fantasy that we’d do the interview after hours when the store was empty- like the way the Beckham’s shop.

Sadly my dream of being invited to take anything I liked whilst strolling the luxurious aisles was not to be. Mohamad has been in court making all kinds of allegations about who planned to kill his son Dodi and Princess Diana. I just hope he doesn’t point the finger at this Quince…

Devon Quince: Mr. Al Fayed, welcome.

Mohamed Al Fayed: Thank you.

DQ: What a charming suit you have on…

MA: Yes, thank you.

DQ: Is it a…

MA: I don’t really want to say what kind of suit it is, if it’s all the same to you…

DQ: Oh. Of course. But, you are a very rich man, are you not?

MA: Well, no matter what extent of riches you have…they can’t buy you justice.

DQ: I take it you are referring to the deaths of Dodi and Princess Diana. Who are you implicating now? Mick Jagger? A house cat?

MA: No! Of course I am not accusing Mick Jagger…but I would never rule a cat out of anything.

DQ: Well said. Do you really believe Tony Blair and the Royal family are behind this?

MA: Yes, I do.

DQ: But do you not think that is going a little far?

MA: No.

DQ: What about when you said we should send Prince Philip back to Germany because his real name ends with Frankenstein?

MA: Yes…I also said he was a “Nazi” and a “racist”.

DQ: Well said. Can ask what shoes you are wearing?

MA: The problem in this country is that racism is still prevalent at the highest level…

DQ: They’re very shiny.

MA: And if I don’t say something, who will?

DQ: Probably someone who’s in their right mind…do you think this case will ever be solved?

MA: No I don’t. And it is a damned shame.

DQ: So is that watch you are wearing…it’s a damned shame it’s not mine.

MA: It’s out of your price range.

DQ: Your telling me. What if I helped you attack Prince Philip in the media? Would you give it to me?

MA: No. But you could come and stay on my boat in Mauritius.

DQ: Is it big?

MA: It’s f*cking enormous.

Whilst we didn’t set a date for the jaunt on Mohamed’s boat, I’m sure it won’t be too long. And my dream of shopping at a Harrods without customers lives on!