Down the catwalk with Miss USA

Fresh from her Miss Universe experience, Miss USA sits down with Devon Quince.

I’ve often wondered if interviewing a model has as much point to it as taking photographs of ugly people. I test the theory by talking to Miss USA, Crystle Stewart.

Devon Quince: Welcome to the interview, Crystle.

Miss USA: Tee hee hee!

DQ: Now Crystle, it seems like Miss USA is building quite the reputation for falling down during beauty pageants.

Miss USA: Oh my God, I know! Tee hee!

DQ: Last year’s Miss USA fell over during the Miss Universe competition, and then this year you did the same thing. I don’t mean to be rude my dear, but it’s like Miss USAs are the proud possessor of more than one left foot. And since we’re talking the Miss ‘Universe’ pageant, which I can only assume encompasses all other planets and infinite star systems, I could even hypothesise that you are some kind of alien contestant capable of having several left feet. Or even hundreds.

Miss USA: I want to help the starving peoples of the world.

DQ: I mean - and again I hasten to proclaim that I wish no offence - but being a model, all you really have to do is walk around, yes? Oh I know that you models like to pretend there’s more to it than that, that somehow what you do is important work but, at the end of the day, an ability to walk short distances is extremely key to the job. Yes?

Miss USA: I like the environment.

DQ: So if you can’t even get the walking bit right, how are you ever going to win?

Miss USA: I believe if you believe in yourself, anything is possible.

DQ: Sure – maybe in a Miss Parallel Universe competition.

Smug with satisfaction at ending the interview with such great wit, Devon Quince accidentally fell down a flight of stairs.

Extras: Watch the Miss USA video on Petespace.