Aliens target the alienated

Wednesday, 18 June 2008 17:30

A suspicious Dave Jory wonders why it's always the complete nerds who get abducted by aliens.

Recently I was watching a TV show about UFO sightings and the guy being interviewed had clearly never had a girlfriend. He was wearing a T-shirt with the Star Wars logo on it, he was covered in leaking acne and he was talking very seriously about the night he saw a light in the sky and was taken aboard a spaceship for a 'tour'.

And all I could think was, “Dude, who the hell are you kidding? You're a total geek! Clearly you were obsessed with aliens and spaceships long before this alleged 'abduction'.” How come it's never the athletic guy, the high-powered lawyer, the single mum, or the head prefect at an exclusive girl's school? Could it be that these people have better things to do than make up crap about visits from martians? On the other hand, perhaps the aliens actually do seek out the company of nerds. Maybe the aliens are nerds themselves and they come to Earth and look through our bedroom windows until they see an Empire Strikes Back bedspread and think, “That's him. That's the guy we want to bring aboard the ship.”

I think if aliens really want our respect, they need to stop hanging around with such a bunch of dorks. Otherwise, when they do finally show up at my house, I'll give them all wedgies, kick sand in their green faces and steal their lunch money.

Nerds from Mars, you have been warned.