Boyz 2 Men

The AFL is putting out a DVD to teach young players about how to respect women and Kent Valentine wonders how it got to this.

You know we’re in trouble when the AFL is putting out educational DVDs in an attempt to fix social problems. Especially when one of the scenarios on the disc involves accidentally stumbling in on two people having sex and then debating the merits of sticking around to watch.

Why is the AFL even getting involved in teaching men about respecting women? In the olden days, your Dad would do it. He’d sit you down on your bed (or maybe a swing-set in a public park) and give you the lowdown on the night he and your Mum drank too much Spumante. You’d shared sacred knowledge, he’d circumcise you with a blunt rock and then you’d go on a pilgrimage to become a man. At least, that’s how it happened when I was a kid.

Of course a large part of your discussion would be about how to respect women. He’d tell you about how they like George Clooney, and hate being verbally and physically assaulted. They were important lessons and you generally had a long time to ponder them on your quest, walking carefully to prevent additional bleeding.

But something’s obviously not getting through to the kids these days, and this message of respect is falling on deaf ears. Either the fathers aren’t explaining things properly or they’re using rocks that are too damn sharp. Either way, we’ve got a whole crop of young men with no concept of how to treat women, and it seems they’re all playing professional football.

I agree that something needs to be done about this dire situation, but I’m just not sure if the AFL is the body to do it. They can teach them boys how to kick, tackle and wear those tiny shorts, but surely teaching them how to treat women is a little outside both their core competency and jurisdiction.

Apart from anything else, what kind of qualifications does the AFL have in the ways of women? Will Eddie Macguire be on the DVD, offering his advice to the young whipper snappers? Considering his public “boning” of Jessica Rowe last year, maybe it’s best he’s left off the disc.

I just think that if the AFL are going to take responsibility for this mess, then they should at least get some experts involved. I’m not sure if Kamahl would be available at such short notice, but I’m sure with one phone call I could get my Dad and his favourite rock on the next flight down and we’d see the respect flowing soon thereafter.

- Kent Valentine