Look Into My Eyes and Gimme Da Cash

Sam Bowring gets enthused about a Jedi shoplifter.

Have you heard the news about the hypnotist robber? No? It’s great! Apparently the other day in Italy, this guy of ‘Indian appearance’ walked into a supermarket, put a carton of milk on the counter, told the checkout chick ‘look into my eyes’ and was able to get her to hand over 800 euros ($1370) from the till through the power of hypnosis. Wowee! That’s some good value milk!

I know, I know. I probably shouldn’t ‘go’ for the robber. But really, I can’t help but be impressed. This dude, after all, is a frickin’ Jedi! Or maybe he’s more like a very mild Sith. You know, he’s evil, but not massively evil.

Emperor: I can feel your anger. Take your weapon, strike me down with all your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!

Indian guy: Um … that seems a bit extreme. Can’t I just use the force to shoplift consumer goods?

Emperor: (sighs) Oh, very well. You can be in the dark side’s acquisitions department. But make sure you pick me up some cheesy snacks. Oh, and those little party pies. They’re tasty.

Maybe I like the idea of this guy because I, like pretty much everyone, like to daydream about having magic powers. When I was a kid I wanted to grow up to be a magician. I don’t mean like one who pulls a nervous wreck of a rabbit from my hat, or has an alright hit rate at guessing what card you’re thinking of … I’m talking about flying, shooting fireballs and being able to command animals. ‘Fly, my pretties. And bring me her eyes!’

But since I continuously and disappointingly fail to wake up with new random superpowers, at least I can get vicariously excited by a mind-bending mugger. Although I do have to wonder if he’s really doing justice to his amazing power. If he really can make people do what he wants just by talking to them, think of the possibilities! He could become the president of a huge corporation ... build his own private brainwashed army and make them carry him around on a vibrating armchair ... or at the very least, leave the checkout chick thinking she was a checkout chicken. Just for the laughs. Ya know?

God speed, magic thief.

- Sam Bowring