Porn again Christian

Sam Bowring ruminates on a priest who is not so much touched by God, as touched by himself.

So, did you hear about the priest who lied about having cancer and fraudulently collected donations from his own congregation, in order to cover up his ferocious porn addiction? Just when you thought the world had run out of whacky characters.

What I have to wonder is, why would someone with a porn addiction need to raise money? It’s not like having, for example, a heroin addiction. For a start, you can’t re-use heroin. Also you don’t get any satisfaction from staring at a picture of heroin and imagining yourself injecting it.

As far as addictions go, porn is comparatively cost effective. Could it be that the lying priest is one of the last people on earth to find out that IT’S REALLY EASY TO SCORE FREE PORN? The man must have a rod of iron if he’s managed to wank out the entire internet.

Maybe that’s being unfair – maybe he pays for porn because he’s a moral man, who doesn’t believe in the infringing of copyright. Yes, it’s much better to rip off your own congregation than cheat the upward-standing makers of pornography, social bastions that they are. Why should ol’ Mrs Teatime get to keep her retirement money when some pimp called Jazz ‘E’ Pantsman is running low on bling?

Really, as far as addictions go, it’s not one I sport a great deal of sympathy for. Basically a porn addict is a dude who likes jerking off a bit too much. Whoah, hey, hold the presses – who ever heard of a guy like that? Most of the guys I know hardly ever think of touching themselves. That said, I do live in opposites world.

It’d be much more respectable to have a sex addiction. There aren’t that many cool addictions, but sex addiction has got to be up there. Unfortunately for the priest, porn addiction is to sex addiction what collecting stubby holders with funny things written on them is to alcoholism. They’re barely in the same balls park.

And now, if you’ll have to excuse me, I just got a raging withdrawal symptom.