Man gives birth to scepticism

After a pregnant 'man' gives birth, Sam Bowring wonders if 'Where Did I Come From?' will have to publish a special edition.

News continues to roll in from the US about the 'pregnant man', who has just given birth. I wonder what it's like when a man gives birth? Does he hold his own hand? Does he scream, "I hate myself, I'm never letting you near me again!"?

Or, rather, was he NOT A MAN AT ALL, but actually a woman who's finally given birth to something other than lies? Maybe now the sprog is out, SHE will blessedly disappear from sight and thus end the least impressive scientific beat-up since The Emperor's New Clothes.

Look, if it was about Belinda Neal giving birth, I might believe a story about a pregnant man. As it is, I really wish the media would shut up and stop 'reporting' this gaping absence of a story about a 'pregnant man'. She's not a pregnant man, she's a bearded woman! There might as well be headlines about a pregnant clown, a pregnant ringmaster or a pregnant lion tamer. In fact give me an entire pregnant circus, as long as you're not telling me that a woman is a man.

Oh hell, I know she identifies herself as a man, and don't get me wrong - I don't give a rat's hindquarters about her sexuality. She could sexually identify herself as a phone booth for all I care. I'm just saying that growing a beard doesn’t biologically make you a man (luckily for my Auntie Gwen), just like putting on a black cape doesn't actually make you Batman. If it did, would I have a scoop for you.

Someone should sit this woman down to watch the classic Arnold Swarzenegger movie 'Junior', to show her what a pregnant man actually looks like. On that note, I wonder if any other Arnie movies are also almost about to come true? Will an invisible alien predator attack humanity to make trophies of our skulls, only to reveal mid-attack that it is in fact - a woman? Will the world get taken over by an army of xenophobic robots, who turn out actually to be - gasp - an army of xenophobic women? Time will tell.

The child, in case you're interested, is a girl. Frankly, I'm surprised it wasn't reported to be a unicorn.