The 90210 postcode of conduct

With the return of 90210, Terri Psiakis encourages an ex-member of Bardot to be on her best behaviour. Or else.

I can’t tell you how overjoyed I was to find that ex-Bardot member Chantelle Barry has scored herself a role in the new-look Beverly Hills 90210.

Yes, Chantelle Barry: the girl with the Aussiest name in the world – Chazza Bazza – has hit the big time in the States, and hasn’t she come a long way? Eight years ago Chaz Baz was controversially sacked from Bardot. Chaz faded into obscurity while the other girls went on to make about seven dollars each.

Sure, Sophie was recently offered a million bucks to pose nude for Playboy but surely that’s nothing compared to getting to swan about on the set of 90210. Chaz Baz might get to see Tori Spelling’s hilarious cleavage at close range and you can’t put a price on that.

When 90210 first screened in 1990 I was in Year 8 and I wanted to be Brenda Walsh, played by Shannen Doherty. I wanted her skin, her cheek bones, her bedroom and her boyfriend Dylan. Luke Perry was something like 42 when he played his high-school alias (ok, that’s an exaggeration but he was way older than his character) but that didn’t stop me lusting after him. The severe age discrepancy was the equivalent of me being hot for Hugh Hefner today. Translation: yecch. Gabrielle Carteris, who played Andrea, was also considerably past high-school age. At one stage I think the glasses she wore on the show were actually bi-focals.

To be honest, I’m jealous of Chantelle Barry. Once upon a time I would have given anything to hang out at The Peach Pit after class. It would have beaten the hell out of hanging out the front of the fish and chip shop at Glen Waverley station. As the 90210 kids grew up and started getting on the piss, The Peach Pit turned into The Peach Pit After Dark and I would much rather have gone there for a drink than to my local pub, The Mountain View, which was affectionately known as The Spew. I know: classy.

Chazza Bazza better make the most of this opportunity because she’s living out one of my teenage fantasies. So help me God if I find out she’s stuffed it up again I will hunt her down, if not just to ask if she got Shannen Doherty’s autograph.