The Joy of Text

A friend in need prompts Terri Psiakis to contemplate the intricacies of text between consenting adults.

The great irony of all the wonderful advances in communication technology is that they often create more scope for miscommunication. This isn’t a new problem: way back when American Indians were sending each other smoke signals, even simple messages such as “May I borrow your Village People costume?” were often misinterpreted as “Help! I’m on fire!”

So in a way, it’s comforting to note that even with all our whiz-bang communications technology (nude chat on video-phone, anyone?) we’re still misunderstanding each other. Especially when it comes to text messages. A friend recently lamented the fact that his partner was constantly misinterpreting his textual wit. He’d send a text that was intended to be funny, his partner would take it the wrong way and an argument would ensue.

Text messages are easily misconstrued. Some people swear by adding a smiley face to the end of a text to indicate they’re joking but honestly, who can be bothered? I have a hard enough time trying to figure out predictive text – don’t make me try to come up with facial expressions as well. I know other people who end joking messages with “LOL” but I object to anything to do with email infiltrating the world of text. The last thing I want is to start getting text messages offering me herbal breast enlargements. Regardless of whether I need them or not.

I guess there are other ways to try and minimize the damage. You could try sending a pre-emptive text, such as “WARNING: WITTY TEXT AHEAD.” Sure it will double your text bill and take all the spontaneity out of your wit but on the upside, you’ll make the intent behind your messages clear. And boring.

Ending your texts with “JUST KIDDING” also works, but after a time I reckon you’d start resenting the fact that while everyone else can just fire off quick wit, you have to punch out an extra 11 letters just to guarantee you’ll get sex tonight. Soon, the sight of that little envelope flying away on your phone’s display might stop making you happy and might start making you think “I’m texting an idiot. And the sex isn’t even that great.”

The other thing I advised my friend to try is reverse-psychology humour. I told him: instead of something witty, send a serious comment. If your partner texts back praising your comic mind, you’re on a winner. If they text back telling you it’s over, I never gave you this advice.

- Terri Psiakis