Show us your Twits

Terri Psiakis has found a favourite frontman to rival You Am I's Tim Rogers.

This was supposed to be a review of a You Am I gig. Unfortunately, however, their support band did the unthinkable: they outshone them. Not because their lyrics were better, their songs rocked harder or their band members were more musically talented.

It was because for the entire gig, their lead singer had his nuts out.

Actually, that was only one of the reasons they topped You Am I. It takes more than just exposed nuts to impress me – although it's a pretty good start. And I have to stress, this wasn't your standard nut exposure. It wasn't half a plum peeking shyly from the stubbies shorts of your average dad or funny uncle. This was what I like to call "visually arresting."

The lead singer of The Twits is a man named Fred Negro. A man without regard for political correctness. A man who's well-known both as a cartoonist and as an eccentric. A man who emerged on stage at the Hi Fi Bar in Melbourne wearing a Halloween-themed skeleton shirt over the top of a mankini.

If you don't know what a mankini is, imagine Borat's bathing suit. Now you might think wearing a top over a mankini defeats the shock value somewhat because you don't get to appreciate the ridiculousness of the deep v-neck but on the contrary, it draws your eye immediately, unwittingly and unrelentingly towards the nether regions.

Fred Negro’s nether regions didn't like Fred Negro's mankini. Actually, I tell a lie: the main course was happy but entrée and dessert kept escaping out the sides. Again. And again. And again. To the point where Fred just let them go. Of course, it didn't help that he spent most of his performance jumping up and down and gallivanting across the stage on a hobby horse. Yes, a hobby horse. A hobby horse that at the end of the gig was entirely covered in nut-rub.

But as I said, it wasn't just the testicles that won me over. I'd like to go into detail about the lyrical prowess of The Twits but with song titles like "She Sucked My Tiny D**k," "F**kin' F**kin' F**kin' F**kin' F**ker" and "Get F**ked, C**t" I don't really think I can. Suffice to say The Twits will never have to worry about any of their songs being mutilated by the contestants on Australian Idol.

You Am I were great. But the memory of The Twits in all their goolie glory will stay with me for life.

Amen.

- Terri Psiakis