Rove Daily - Horoscopes

Aquarius

Pretend that you are far more interesting than you actually are. Make up fun facts about yourself, for example, that you invented yoghurt.

Start dressing the way you want to dress. Wear what you think looks cool. After all, the rest of us could use a good laugh.

While talking politics at a cocktail party, you will accidentally admit you did not know that America was an actual country.

Your flouting of the use-by dates on food will create a problem this week, when you carelessly eat a 137-year-old Twix Bar.

It is time to admit to yourself that first impressions do matter. So you need to stop spitting at people who introduce themselves to you.

Drink plenty of water this week. It is so much easier than trying to eat water. That will usually give you the runs.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. This is particularly true when returning overnight hires to the video shop.

When your parents phone you, insist that you have never heard of them and there must be some mistake on their end.

Why not beat the rush this year and do all your Christmas shop-lifting this week? Remember, stores hire extra security in December!

When a man tries to sell you a bag of air this week, buy it, then immediately sell it on e-Bay. You will double your money.

Giving to the blood bank is a great thing to do. Your attempt to send your deposit across with internet banking however was a bad idea.

As the old saying goes, If foot odour was money, you would be Richard Branson. Get some fresh socks.

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