Is that a ballot paper in your pocket?

Amid all the excitement and nervous expectation surrounding the US presidential elections it was with more than just a little alarm that I read about a nudist resort in Florida that had requested a naked polling booth. And no, that’s not a euphemism.

Now, in case you’ve never been to Florida you should know that it’s chock-full of old people. I don’t know this because I’ve been to Florida, I know this because I’ve watched many American sitcoms that have made jokes about old people and Florida, so of course it must be true. Therefore I’m assuming that this nudist resort, like Florida, is chock-full of old people. My point here is that there are some old people who must simply be stopped.

To be specific, what these aged mentalists actually requested was a “clothing-optional” polling booth, but they may as well have called it a naked one because who’s going to go in there clothed? If you go in clothed you’re obviously not a nudist and therefore you’re quite clearly only there for the perve. And if you’re there to perve on nude pensioners you should probably take a good look at yourself (in the nude, after you’ve spent too long in the bath – it’ll make your skin all wrinkly so you can fulfil your own sick fantasies).

Anyway, the request for the starkers booth was quite sensibly turned down and I must say I’m relieved. I don’t know what polling booths are like in America but if they’re anything like the ones we have here I’d be concerned about nudity anywhere near sharp pencils.

A spokeswoman for the resort aired her indignation towards the refusal by saying “It’s about freedom. People take their civic duty seriously and in many cases nudism is a very serious part of their lifestyle.” Really? How serious can it when you can’t order sausages or flapjacks from room service for fear of causing an episode of riotous hilarity?

Nude voting is fraught with inaccuracies, anyway. You wouldn’t believe the number of times people tick the wrong box.