X-Rayted

If you don’t want you penis to be seen by the men and women working airport security, then it’s time to pack it in your checked luggage. New backscatter x-ray technology implemented at Melbourne airport recently allows the operator to see through clothes of the people scanned, enabling them to detect metal objects, discover concealed weapons and have a good squiz at your Jatz Crackers.

While the faces of those scanned will be blurred, the general manager of the Office of Transport Security said that blurring the genitals “severely limits the detection capabilities.” That might be true if someone’s hiding explosives in their genitals, but surely now they could just hide it in their blurred-out face.

“Has that man got dynamite hidden in his face?” “I can’t tell, but his arse is clear.” If airport security can see our rude bits, then I think there are two issues they need to address: 1) They need to tighten up their employment standards. Safety is important, but we have a right to fly without having our wobbly bits viewed by perverts, scoundrels or people that we went to school with.

2) I’d like to think that I’m relatively comfortable with by body, but I’m still a little antsy about someone from Chubb having a mosey at my knob just before I fly. I think that if airport security gets to see us in the buff, then we should be allowed to see them raw as well. I’ll walk through your fancy new scanner, but only if the man sitting behind the computer is wearing a hat, belt and nothing else.

If we have to give away all our privacy for the privilege of flying, then at least let us trade it for something. OK, airport guy, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. Actually, from what I’ve already seen of airport security, maybe I’ll just take the train.

- Kent Valentine